A sad day for everyone who eats
Friday, October 3, in the two-thousand and fourteenth year of our Lord,
the West’s inimitable culinary paragon,
the peerless Hot Doug’s,
shutters its doors in valedictory glory.
From no other succulent summits and in no other toothsome times
has such piquant, palatable, and positively nutritive delicacies
captured the hearts and gullets of so many
for so long.
Few modern mavens can now recall the long comestible winter
before Doug’s raised a light of hope
for the maws of civilized gastronomes.
A hope built of unadulterated esculent will
and enshrined forever
in mammalian and avian encasements.
Let every connoisseur say today and in our twilight
we lived in Meat’s Enlightenment.
Let every bon vivant and gourmand
pour one out for the first great bastion of meatly sanity,
the last true bulwark of caloric glory,
the crowning parapet of cardiovascular wizardry.
Many thanks, Hot Doug’s.
You go too soon.
And yet, even in your going,
you are never gone.